


REMORSE

by xunwrites



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: Filipino
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:40:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27040624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xunwrites/pseuds/xunwrites
Summary: Na-feature ang story ni Sehun sa Adober Studios after he discovered an old cassette tape in his belongings, a tape which was from his first love, Junmyeon.
Relationships: Kim Junmyeon | Suho/Oh Sehun
Comments: 3
Kudos: 5





	REMORSE

**Author's Note:**

> This is a taglish one shot AU.  
> Warning: slight angst ahead.  
> Also, listen to Lifetime by Ben&Ben while reading.  
> Enjoy!

Nag-aayos ng mga napag-lumaang gamit si Sehun nang makita niya ang isang cassette tape. Nagtaka siya kung saan galing ito dahil hindi naman siya mahilig mangolekta ng vintage stuff. Agad niyang kinuha ang cassette player na kasama ng tape at pinakinggan ito. Tila tumigil ang mundo niya nang marinig niya ang boses mula sa cassette. 

It was the voice of a man whom he loved the most, the person who used to be his home.

It was Junmyeon’s voice. 

_“Hi, hello? Testing, one, two. Ayan, okay na. Hello, Sehun!”_ Junmyeon’s voice was full of excitement. Sehun couldn’t help but to smile as an image of Junmyeon entered his mind. _“Siguro hindi mo rin naman ‘to papakinggan. Hehe. I’m just a friend to you, isang nakakatandang tropa.”_

Sehun felt a slight ache in his heart. Pain was evident in Junmyeon’s voice as he continued to talk.

_“Anyways, sisimulan ko na. Una sa lahat, sana mapatawad mo ko dahil hindi ko sinabi sayo yung totoo. Naalala mo yung after-grad party namin kela Baekhyun? Noong naglaro tayo ng never have I ever?”_

The memory appeared in his mind. 

—

Sa condo ni Baekhyun naganap ang party for the upperclassmen sa barkada nila: Junmyeon, Baekhyun, Minseok and Yixing. Madaling araw na rin pero hindi humuhupa ang energy ng lahat. May mga nag-iyakan na dahil mamimiss nila ang mga graduates, especially Chanyeol na halos i-glue na ang sarili kay Baekhyun. 

As they drown themselves in liquor, they reminisced how their friendship started.

“Naalala ko noong freshmen orientation niyo, may na-late that time tapos napagalitan agad ng adviser. Sino kaya ‘yooon?” Yixing smirked at Sehun who was busy filling his cup with vodka. 

“Tapos may to the rescue naman sa junior niya, nagdahilan na initusan niya raw si Sehun kahit hindi niya pa talaga kilala yung tao. Sino kaya ‘yoooon?” Minseok joined while nudging Junmyeon’s arms. Nakangiti lang si Junmyeon habang patuloy ang pang-aasar ng mga kaibigan. 

Nang dahil kay Sehun at Junmyeon, nagkakilala silang lahat. Madalas silang inaasar ng mga kaibigan pero kinlaro na ni Junmyeon na hanggang friends lang talaga sila ni Sehun. 

“Ewan ko sainyo, laro na lang tayo.” Junmyeon suggested. Mga ilang laro ang naisip nila bago sila nakapag-decide na “never have I ever” ang laruin. Kapag guilty, they’ll drink their shot.

“I’ll start!” Baekhyun, na onti nalang tutumba na, yelled at everyone. “Never have I ever... na-jebs sa school.” Pagkasabi niya nito, sabay-sabay silang lahat na uminom except for Kyungsoo. 

“Kyungsoo, KJ!” Pang-aasar ni Baekhyun. “Kahit hindi naman talaga?” Inirapan lang siya ni Kyungsoo at nagpatuloy ang laro. Naka-ilang rounds sila bago tuluyang ma-knock out si Baekhyun kakainom. May ilan na nahihilo na rin pero kinakaya pa naman. 

“Okay, pag ito walang uminom dito ewan ko nalang.” sabi ni Jongdae. 

“Never have I ever.. nagkagusto or nagkacrush sa tropa natin.” 

As expected, Chanyeol, Kyungoo and Jongin drank their shots but to their surprise, may humabol. 

Sehun and Junmyeon drank theirs as well. 

Muntik nang masamid si Sehun nang makitang sabay silang uminom ni Junmyeon. Jongdae, who initiated the question, was left speechless habang nang-aasar na “ohh” naman ang nanggaling sa iba. 

“Don’t tell me.. nagkagusto kayo sa isa’t isa?” Jongin asked. 

Tila uminit ang mundo ni Sehun, pinagpawisan siya bigla. Halos apat na taon din niyang tinago sa mga kaibigan niya ang totoo. Alam naman niyang wala siyang pag-asa kay Junmyeon dahil walang itong interest sa lovelife at puro acads ang inaatupag. 

Dahil hindi masabi ni Sehun sa kahit na sino sa tropa nila ang totoo, he ended up telling it to his batchmate instead. Luhan, who had a crush on Sehun. They became good friends and on their third year, they started dating. Little did Sehun know, he confused his care for Luhan and considered it as love. He was so dense. However, Luhan fully knew who truly owned Sehun’s heart. 

Before they entered their fourth year, Luhan broke up with him and he finally confronted Sehun about his unrequited love for Junmyeon. 

Doon na natauhan si Sehun. He kept on running away from the truth. Maybe tonight is the right time for him to confess. 

“So ano nga? Nagkagusto ba kayo sa isa’t isa or what?” tanong ni Jongdae. 

Sehun inhaled sharply. “Y-“

“No.” Napatingin si Sehun kay Junmyeon nang marinig niya ang sagot nito. 

Gustong maiyak ni Sehun. Ano bang ineexpect niya? Of course, never siyang pipiliin ni Junmyeon. Hanggang kaibigan lang ang tingin nito sa kanya.

“Ano yon, Se?” Jongdae asked Sehun who was trying his best not to spill his tears. 

“H-Huh?” Sehun looked away for a moment and filled his shot glass again. “Wala. Same kami ng sagot, ‘di ba?”

He looked at Junmyeon. Hindi niya mapinta ang facial expression nito dahil nakayuko lang si Junmyeon habang nilalaro ang shotglass niya. 

“Mhm.” tumango lang si Junmyeon. 

Parang sinaksak nang paulit-ulit si Sehun. Hindi naman siya nag-expect na maging “oo” ang sagot ni Junmyeon pero sobrang sakit pa rin. 

After all these years, it was only a one sided love. 

“Naging crush ko si Baekhyun noong first year ako kasi cute siya. Ayon.” sagot ni Sehun. Gustong niya munang umalis at umiyak nang tuluyan pero hindi niya ginawa. Hinarap niya ang realidad na hanggang doon nalang talaga sila. He can only love Junmyeon from afar. 

“Yeah, same.” iyon na lang ang nasabi ni Junmyeon bago siya nag-excuse sa banyo. 

Ilang araw makalipas ng gabing iyon, tumuloy si Junmyeon sa USA para tumulong sa family business nila. Naging madalang na rin ang pagkikita nilang magtotropa nang makagraduate na silang lahat.

—

Marami na ang nagbago simula noon. Maraming umalis tulad nila Kyungsoo at Jongin na nasa South Korea na ngayon. Sobrang busy naman nila Minseok at Yixing sa kaniya-kaniyang trabaho. Si Jongdae naglilibot sa buong mundo. Sila Chanyeol at Baekhyun ang naiwang malapit kay Sehun ngunit madalang na rin silang magkita. Habang si Junmyeon, bihira nalang magparamdam since then.

Natigil ni Sehun ang cassette dahil hindi na niya mapigilan ang pagtulo ng luha niya. 

He had all the time with Junmyeon but he chose to be silent about his feelings. If only he was brave enough back then, maybe, things didn’t turn out this way.

Junmyeon was his home. When the world turned against him, Junmyeon was there to offer his shoulders for Sehun to lean onto. He was Sehun’s rest. Was. Dati. Noon. 

He wiped his tears and continued listening.

_“Nagsinungaling ako that night. I was actually going to say yes pero pinangunahan ako ng takot. Takot na kapag nalaman mong mahal kita, mag-iba ang tingin mo sa’kin. Alam kong hanggang magkaibigan lang talaga tayo pero pwede naman sigurong mangarap, ‘no? Haha. Kahit hanggang pangarap na lang na mahalin mo ko pabalik.”_

Sehun suppressed his sobs against his hand. It hurts to hear everything after several years of yearning for the same person. 

_“Sumagot ka rin naman, inamin mong hindi ako ang nagustuhan mo. Kaya doon pa lang, tanggap ko na. Tanggap ko nang walang pag-asa ang tayo sa mundong ‘to.”_

Naririnig ni Sehun ang bahagyang mag-hikbi ni Junmyeon habang nagsasalita. 

_“From the moment I saw you, I knew you were gonna play a huge part in my life. Kahit bilang kaibigan lang lahat ng ‘yon, masaya akong nanatili ka sa buhay ko. I’m thankful for all the memories we’ve shared. Masaya akong nakilala kita. Ayon. Aalis na rin ako in a few days, siguro mas okay na rin ‘yon para makalimot na rin ako. Nirecord ko ‘to para iwan dito lahat ng sakit, maging yung kasiyahan, na dinulot mo sa buhay ko. It’s time for me to move on, kahit hindi naging tayo, kahit never mong nalaman ang tunay na nararamdaman ko para sa’yo.”_

Mas lalong bumigat ang dinadama ni Sehun ngayon, hirap siyang huminga kakaiyak. 

_“Last na talaga ‘to. Mahal kita, Sehun, with so many reasons. Even those that are still unknown to me.”_

He closed the cassette and cried his lungs out. Tons of what-ifs ran through his mind; what if they didn’t lie? what if he had the courage to confess beforehand? 

With a heavy heart, Sehun wrote their story in his blog where he published his photographs. He likes taking photos every now and then. He started where they first met then ended on how he still longs for him. While writing, his phone suddenly rang. 

“Chanyeol?”

“Sehun! Long time no see.. and talk! How are you?” 

Sehun sniffed before answering. “I’m okay. Bakit bigla kang napatawag?”

“Ay, so hindi ka pa tinatawagan ni Myeon?”

Parang nalagutan ng hininga si Sehun. Junmyeon’s back?

“W-What? Hindi.. pa? Anong meron?” 

“Dinner daw with the tropa. Grabe it’s been years tapos ngayon lang ulit siya nagparamdam..” out of the blue, the idea of getting Junmyeon back entered Sehun’s mind. He gathered all of his hopes and courage. He will surely not repeat the same mistake again. He's busy thinking about getting Junmyeon back, he forgot Chanyeol is on the other line.

“Sehun? You still there?” 

“Ah, yes. Ano ulit ‘yon?”

“Ang sabi ko bumili ka ng suit mo.”

“For what? Akala ko dinner lang?”

“No, that’s for another purpose. Junmyeon’s getting married the day after our dinner.” 

—

“Bakit ka single?” tanong ng isang staff. Nakasalang ngayon si Sehun sa isang shoot for Adober Studios’ segment. They saw Sehun’s blog and his story captured them. 

Sehun bitterly smiled. “Late na ako eh. Dati sa orientation lang ako na-late. Ngayon..” he looked at the staff with pain in his eyes.

“..na-late na rin ako sa pag-amin sa taong mahal ko.” 

After the shoot, the staffs approached Sehun and asked him, “Sir? Bakit ka po naka-suit? May okasyon po?” 

Nginitian lang sila ni Sehun. “Kasal niya ngayon, imbitado ako, as best man nga lang.” 

**Author's Note:**

> :) 
> 
> follow @xunwrites on twitter~


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